Planning

I spent all weekend working on my paper. I tend to have music going while I work at home. At the end of the day, I rarely remember everything I've listened to; it's all just a jumble and I never really pick anything which much deliberation. Saturday, I had a song by Cannibal Ox on. It's a song about Vast Aire's beginnings as a breakdancer. And, while it's not the point of the song, Vast says something in the midst of his description that struck me hard, though I've been a Can-O fan since about 2002:

"While you plan, death is what happens."

I've been spending more time than usual these past few months trying to figure out what life is all about. I wanted to understand who I am, what having a Ph.D. would be like, what the real world without a Ph.D. would be like, when Rita and I would have kids, what the housing market will be like in a few years, etc. before deciding on whether to leave grad school. I guess that the decision to leave grad school was me understanding the sentiment that Vast expresses above: I could spend my whole life getting everything in order and maybe live a few decades actually believing that I had figured it out, but it's likely that whatever I figure out will be wrong and I would be wasting my time by not doing what I know in my heart I want to do.

Now that it's been a few weeks, I've realized a big reason that I was afraid to leave grad school: resume fears! Two resume fears, actually. 1) Could I actually move on to something that isn't pure science given the fact that I've been gearing my whole life (on paper, anyway) toward grad school admissions? I have no real-world experience. I've done two REUs (Research Experience for Undergraduates, like a summer internship, but at a university lab), and I went straight into grad school from undergrad. I've been training myself to be a scientist and nothing else. 2) A sabbatical would probably be necessary; how could I explain a jobless gap in my resume? Would I look like a quitter to potential employers when I explained that I didn't do engineering for a few months while trying to find a job I really enjoyed?

You see what I was doing there? I was trying to figure everything out and have plans for everything. Don't get me wrong; it's great to have contingency plans. But these were questions I couldn't do much about. As Vast might say, I was doing two things: planning and dying.

Here's the thought process that ultimately helped me decide: I wasn't happy at grad school and, if I wanted to be happy later in life, I had to find a better career now. And, though finding the better career might involve a few months of doing something temporary and unfulfilling, it certainly wouldn't kill me. And as for concerns about how employers would view my leaving grad school, so far I've told them the truth and they've all respected my reasoning.

For the record, this is a lesson that I'm pretty sure every T.V. show ever has tried to teach its viewers. When you finally realize something that people have been telling you for so long, it makes you wonder how knowledge ever gets transfered between people. Some things you just have to learn for yourself, I guess.

Do What You Are

I have purchased 4 career books and will discuss them all here. I've only actually read one so far. It's called "Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type". The title is a little misleading; while it does help in discovering good career choices, it never tells you what the perfect career is for you. In fact, I think it even says somewhere in the book that there is no one perfect career for anyone.

The book is based on the Meyers-Briggs personality test. The theory is that a human being's personality can be divided into 4 dimensions, with two preferences each (one on either end of the scale for each dimension). This leads to 16 distinct personality types. The book has an interesting self-test in which you decide what your four preferences are after reading some discussion and examples. By the end of the self-test, you will understand the Meyers-Briggs scales and have a good idea what you are. The next five chapters help to ensure that you are the type that you think you are by supplying more information about each type.

For example, from the self-test, I learned that I'm INFP (introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving). The next chapter provided me with a few pages about how I probably act, what I value in people and activities, and my potential weaknesses. The next chapter described how there are four categories of people (based on the middle two letters of your type) - I'm an Idealist. Then, the book describes which of the four preferences is your strongest (based on your type) and where (internally or externally) you are strongest using that preference. You are also taught at which ages you can expect various preferences to become stronger. All of this additional information can be used to ensure that you selected the right types during the self-test.

Then, once you are sure of your type and are armed with some broader information, you get to read a whole section about you. My section discussed the career paths of three INFPs, followed by what sorts of things INFPs need from their work, things we are good at/bad at on the job, and even insightful advice on how someone like me should perform a job search (I checked it against a different type - it seems that they do give different advice for different types). The book ends with a little worksheet you can use to essentially filter out the advice that doesn't apply to you. After that, you can begin a job search with a better idea of what you should be looking for.

I haven't had much of a chance to use this information yet, but I do at least feel that the book helped. For my sabbatical (which is looking like it's going to happen), I'm going to look for a job that meets the needs described for my type. Maybe I'll learn something.

I changed my own mind.

I'm kind of tired right now, so this post may not be too positive.

Before I get into the complaining, let me make sure everyone knows my situation. I'm going to be a grad student until the end of November. By November 21st, my boss wants me to have a ready-to-publish version of my paper. After that, he will stop paying me, and I will be free to get a job (though I will have to come back to Northwestern to defend my paper in front of a committee in order to receive my Master's degree, but this won't happen until my paper is accepted to a journal, so it's about 3-6 months away). So that's what I'm doing full-time right now: making my paper good.

And I'm trying to find a job. And I'm trying to find a job I can have until I find a job (the previously-mentioned sabbatical) . And I'm trying to figure out what sort of job will actually make me happy in the long run. I have a lot on my plate. I thought I'd have more time to get everything sorted out. I didn't think I would be jobless in December.

Ok, I've complained. I assume it's natural and sort-of healthy to feel self-pity. But we all know it doesn't lead to progress on its own. So how can I use my current down state to my advantage?

1) I can try to imagine what it would be like for December to arrive with me still having no job offers - it would probably feel like this but permanent.

2) I can recall where I am. This whole process of leaving grad school and working hard to find a better career will end up with me being happier.

3) I can recall that I chose to be where I am. I didn't know the exact constraints I was placing on myself, but I did know there were constraints. I took responsibility for it all.

I'm surprised that worked - I feel better already. I'm still tired, but not so overwhelmed. Let's talk about career change stuff a little bit.

Today, I did my first of two appointments at the Johnson O'Connor Research Foundation in Chicago. They gave me about 10 tests. The goal of the tests is to isolate different aptitudes. After two appointments with them, they can tell you what sort of work you will be good at/will be satisfying to you. I've heard great things about the results. My second appointment is 10/29. I'll let you know how it turns out.

I'm Ready!!

Have you ever watched Spongebob Squarepants? I love that show. Spongebob enjoys everything he does. I especially like how much he likes his job. Really, I mean, he'll run to work yelling "I'm ready!", he ravenously competes with his neighbor Squidward for the Employee of the Month award, and he is enamored with specialized versions of tools of his trade (like, I think, a golden spatula). I've always wanted to take my job that seriously and enjoy it that much.

I have an interview with a company tomorrow. I just found out about it today. I'm trying to avoid mentioning names of companies because I don't know what the rules are on that sort of thing. This particular job would have me trying four different jobs in different geographic locations over the course of two years. I'm not crazy about being away from Rita for that long, but it would be a good opportunity to learn different sorts of real-world applications of engineering.

Definition By Negation

Yesterday was the career fair. I usually bike to work and back, but yesterday, with suit in tow, I opted to take the bus. In being forced to interact with the sort of people who ride the bus, I noticed that my view of people has changed a little bit. I guess I used to feel that these people couldn't be like me because I was a grad student in the physical sciences and they weren't. I'm not trying to describe any sort of classism; it's more like they automatically weren't in my peer group (ok, maybe that's what classism is). Anyway, I found myself being more open to being friendly with everyone. Not like I was really hanging out and being buddies with everyone. It's hard to describe, I guess.

A lot has happenend since I last updated the blog. I had an informational interview with another Chicago design firm. But these guys actually seemed interested in giving me work of some kind (outside consulting, intership, or full-time). They like that I have materials knowledge and want me to learn CAD. I like stuff they do. I'll be meeting with their head of engineering in a few weeks. And this was an interview that I initiated! Their website didn't say anything about them hiring; I just liked the sort of thing they did. I initially heard of them through the IDSA (Industrial Designers Society of America). So there's one way to find jobs: contact people out of the blue that you find through trade organizations.

I talked to 11 companies at the career fair. It was clear that I wouldn't fit well at a few of the companies and that a few others do uninteresting things. Overall, there are about six that I'm interested in. I'd say the level of interest of these companies in me range from "it's possible" to "we love this guy". As far as the kind of work I could end up doing, there's a software engineering firm, a few consulting jobs (either internal to the company or regular consulting), a job in algorithmic financial trading, an intellectual property patent law firm, and an engineering rotation (in which I'd spend two years doing a few different sorts of jobs in different locations). Each has its appeal. I'm excited about learning more about each opportunity. Now I wait for them to contact me about interviews.

The career fair also really helped me to figure out what I want to do. I realized that I think it's really fun to ask the question "How can this be done better?" I think that's what's appealing about design: you are essentially an inventor. But with most of these other jobs, that interest could still be fulfilled. I could be making operations better, an application better, a product better, and so on. Obviously, just getting to make things better isn't all that I'm interested in. In grad school, my job was to find a way to make hydrogen-storage materials better, and I started to not like it after a while. I need a little more creativity and intuition thrown in there.

For the career fair, I compiled my resume and unofficial transcripts into folders, each with the company's name and the position I'm interested in. A few company reps really liked this idea. At the worst, it makes you look super-prepared. It also makes your information physically stand out; imagine the stack of resumes they get at the end of the night, and then imagine mine in a folder approximately 1 inch larger in each dimension. Ha. I win.

I initially wanted to call this blog "careerchange.blogspot.com" but that name was taken. If you want to be sad, read that blog. I thought it would be run by someone who has changed careers trying to give advice to future career-changers. No. It's some guy who hates his job and wishes he knew how to change. Ech. Career is such an important part of our lives. But we are somehow supposed to know by about age 18 what we want to do. My boss says that some of the freshman he advises come to him claiming to know that they want to do academic science for the rest of their lives. He says he's reluctant to call "bullshit", but he isn't sure what else it could be.

A friend asked me today what I'd do if whatever new job I get ends up worse than grad school. I told him I'd kill myself. I was joking, of course, and that's because I don't think I'll like my new job worse than grad school. I haven't regretted leaving yet, and the positions I'm looking at seem to require the variety, creativity, and problem-solving I need to feel happy and fulfilled.

I'm officially leaving!

I had the conversation with my boss, today. I told him I decided to leave grad school, told him my reason for wanting to do so being that I feel there's another job out there that will utilize more skills that I have and less that I don't with the end result being that I feel satisfied and energized by my work. He was totally cool about it. He's really probably the coolest boss I'll ever have. He said that it sounds like I've given it lots of thought and that he thinks I'm being reasonable. It is quite a relief to have him know. I actually didn't get too nervous before the meeting, mainly because I didn't let myself think about it.

But then we started talking about logistics. Honestly, I'd like ending grad school to be like ending most jobs: I say I'm leaving, I wrap things up, and I move on. But, there's this additional step of qualifying that I have to do. I have to prove that I'm smart enough for the Master's degree. And while I have no doubt that I can do it, I'm not looking forward to it. So, that's the logistical problem: when do I qualify and what do I do between now and then? The options are complicated, but here is the summary: I will qualify sometime between November and February (the date is mainly up to me) and I will stop getting paid sometime between right now and February (mainly up to my boss). Once I stop getting paid, though, even if I haven't qualified, I can get a job somewhere else. I'm meeting with my boss again tomorrow to discuss specifics. He's hopefully going to have talked to the main administrative assistant in our department so that he'll know what the payment landscape is. Once he tells me his plan for when he'll stop paying me, I can plan out how the next couple months will go down.

I'll probably have to advance on lining up a job while I'm between jobs. My initial plan was that if I didn't have a real job lined up in December, I'd start also hunting for an interim sort of job, one that is easier to get, is a bit unexpected but that I can use to build on old skills or get new ones. A good example is being a substitute teacher. You don't need any teaching certificate to substitute teach in Chicago, and I'd be getting paid to practice public speaking and general communication skills. But, since I may stop getting paid this very instant, I'm starting to look for different sorts of options in this realm. I'm going to refer to these jobs as "sabbatical". This word is used in the job-hunting world to mean something you do when you have six months between jobs, but it implies leaving the country, doing some volunteer work, and doing other, more selfish things. I'd like my sabbatical to be different: I'll stay in Chicago, get some paying work, volunteer somewhere, and work on things at home that are important to me.

Finally, some networking news: Rita and I have a friend from college whose dad started a design firm in California many years ago. They focus on engineering and human interaction. We are going to try to get me an internship with them. That may also be considered a sabbatical. I'm not sure how much time an internship takes up, but if it isn't a lot, then I can work on other things on the side with the intention of building an awesome repertoire of skills for whatever career I decide is the best for me.

Have an informational interview with another design firm tomorrow morning. Over the weekend, sent resumes to about 8 interesting companies that will be at the career fair on Thursday. Going to an info session for an interesting company tomorrow night. Lots to do. I don't want to lose focus on finding a job I'll love. But right now I'm a little lost in the details.

Dongwon's Advice

A post-doc in my lab sort of took me under his wing when he arrived. We occasionally have these "an-young" (Korean for "hello", I got to pick the name) sessions where we talk about my concerns with my research or career or whatever. They were invaluable, mainly for my emotional well-being.

Well, I decided on 10/5/08 that I would leave grad school and have been slowly telling people since. I told Dongwon yesterday, the 10th. He was a little disappointed that I was leaving in the first place. He maintains (and I agree, for the record) that a grad student has no idea what she's doing until at least two years of research. He feels that I'm about to get good. But he didn't try to convince me to stay yesterday.

He did try to convince me to get a job before I set in motion my plans to leave (i.e. tell my boss). He says it's like his son trying to go outside in the winter without a jacket: he just wants to go outside and doesn't care about the risks. He started to convince me. But I decided to stick to my plan: tell my boss now and start finding a job immediately. I'm doing it this way for a few reasons, the main reason being that I don't feel like I'm good at being a grad student. I'm not talking about feeling inadequate. I'm talking about feeling all relief and no pride after doing anything relating to my project. So, I don't want to have grad school as a fall-back; I want to force myself to find something I like better. Once I tell my boss, I can't change my mind. The promise of being jobless is great inspiration for finding a job. As I've said, historians will call this move either stupid or bold, depending on the outcome. As I write all this, I feel like I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. I take that as a good sign, that my confidence is up.

So, maybe it's a difference in risk-appetite. Dongwon is, after all, a family man with a child and wife to support. For him, a move like this could be extremely dangerous. It just feels weird to not be following his advice. He's helped me through so much. Entering new territory for both of us.

A bonus: I think people who know me know that I have great talent for diffidence. It may surprise them (as it sometimes surprises me) that I'm being so positive about this change. There are a few explanations for this. The simplest to explain is a dream I had about a month and a half ago.

In the dream, I was alone in my apartment. The power was going out, it was storming like a mother outside, and I was really nervous because Rita was late getting home. Someone opened the door from outside. I had to chase them away with a knife. Back in my apartment, I was even more scared now that my home was under attack. Things sort of slowed down as a figure came down the darkened hallway. It was the ghost of my grandpa. He asked if everything was alright. I said it was. He went back from where he came. I was totally calm after that knowing that my grandpa was watching me. The storm stopped and Rita came home fine.

And this was after asking to have a dream to give me some guidance in my career decision. Self-fulfilling, maybe, but it sure had an impact on me. Everything's going to be ok.

Design and Me: BFFs?

This post should catch you up on what I've done so far.

In the Winter of 2005, I saw an episode of 20/20 that featured a company called IDEO. They are a design firm; this was the first time I'd come across this concept. The video showed a group of people (engineers, anthropologists, psychologists, and artists) redesigning the shopping cart. It looked creative and collaborative and generally super-fun. I stuffed away the desire to chase such a career because I was dead-set on going to grad school.

I think it was about two months ago that I remembered design. I performed a Google search (this blog is hosted by Google, so I don't want to offend them by turning their name into a verb) on IDEO to see if they were still around. They are. I looked at their job descriptions, just to see if I could maybe dare to hope that I might have a chance. In my opinion, they describe me exactly as their ideal candidate: have an advanced degree, am not a specialist, have desire for and comfort working in teams, and have a wide range of interests. I may or may not have pranced happily around my apartment feeling that there was at least one job out there that sounded really appealing to me.

IDEO isn't hiring someone with no design experience (not right now, at least). But I have discovered that there are many other design firms in Chicago. So, if I really want to do design, I feel I have a chance. However...

Am I idealizing design? It would be a horrible to put months of effort into being marketable as a designer to find out that the job entails making models in CAD all day. Most of my effort so far has been in figuring out what design is and how I can enter it if it is what I think it is. Here's what I've done so far:

-I had a phone informational interview with a guy (whose title I didn't ask - small mistake) at a Chicago design firm. He was brief, but very helpful. Our conversation lasted maybe 8 minutes. The gist of his advice was that I'd be naive to think that I could get into design with my current background. He thinks I should enter the real world, doing product design of some sort more from the engineering side of things.

-I had an in-person informational interview with the president and founder of another Chicago design firm. He was totally chill. I'm glad that I didn't wear a suit, as he was wearing dirty jeans and a long-sleeve "Life Is Good" shirt. On the way to the interview room, we got to walk through the huge room where all the designers sit. It was beautiful. In about the middle of the room, with the approximately 10 designers all within ear-shot, he stopped walking and asked somewhat accusingly "Do you have a portfolio?". It was clear that I didn't have a portfolio. After a silence which seemed uncomfortable to me only, he said "Oh wait... who are you?" He had mistaken me for someone who he was to interview for a position at his company. So, I hope you understand what kind of guy he is: entrepreneurial enough to start a design firm, talented enough to keep it running, and no-nonsense enough to call me out in front of everyone for potentially wasting his time.

And he talked with me for an hour! It only stopped when it did because I am uptight and felt like I'd taken up too much of his time. He gave me all kinds of advice, though it was a little hard to stop him talking about himself and his work (I figure that giving the interviewer a forum for them to toot their own horn is the price you pay for the information you get).

Now, the advice he gave me isn't super interesting: places that might offer me an internship/job, grad programs I might try, skills I should pick up (software: PRO/E, CAD, and CS ActionScript), and so on. But he did ask me a good question: "What do you want to do?". I've asked myself this question many times; it's way, way different with someone so able and respectable staring at you waiting for an answer. You see, design is split into different realms, and you can do one or all depending on your position and where you work. You can try to get the design bids from other companies, you can be a receptionist, you can engineer and build prototypes, you can manage the projects and keep an eye an the marketability, you can try to sell designs to companies, and so on. He wanted to know what I wanted to do at a design firm. And even in that context, with my options more limited than when I consider engineering vs. puppeteering, I had to tell him that it all sounds fun. He told me that I might want to get some project management experience if I wanted to do it all at a design firm.

-I met with Liz Gerber, a professor in the Segal Design Institute at Northwestern University. You could say that I networked, since she is a friend of a friend. Our meeting had to be short because Liz is quite a busy person. She thinks I can get into design as I am right now (or maybe with a few years of real-world experience), but I'll have to do some networking and maybe find some way to sample the career. She also recommends that I generalize my skills on my resume, so people can see that I can do more than engineering. She also thinks I should try putting together a sample portfolio if I really want to do design. I'd always been confused about what a portfolio is; she pointed me to some sample portfolios so I could see what they entailed. She reinforced my belief that engineers are trainable by saying that I'm smart.

That's all of the information I've gathered on design so far. It still seems as collaborative and creative as I originally thought. I'm still interested. But what do I want to do? I'm wondering whether the appeal of design is the product creation and ideation aspect. I have a few more informational interviews lined up with some folks in the design field, so maybe I can hammer out these loose ends with them.

p.s. According to Blogger, "naive" is spelled correctly without its typical umlaut. I've been waiting years for the internet to get rid of English's last umlaut. Our day has come!

Introduction of "I'm Finding A New Job"

Hi everybody!

I'm trying to find a new job. This blog is going to chronicle everything I do to find a new job. It's intended for people who know me who want to follow my progress and people who don't know me who want an idea of what a job search is.

I'm not really a job search expert. In fact, this will be my first ever job search. And, on top of that, I'm sort of changing careers, and that will make this whole deal a little more interesting.

I was a Ph.D. student in Materials Science. After several months of going back and forth, I finally committed myself to leaving grad school early (with a Master's degree) and entering the real world. I'm not exactly sure what sort of job I want. With my Bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering, I'm sort of a serial engineer; of course, I'm looking at engineering jobs. But, as we will see, I'm also curious about other opportunities.

Engineers are trainable - I'm banking on that.